


cascades

by haipollai



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Magic, Falling In Love, M/M, Revealed secrets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-27
Updated: 2016-08-27
Packaged: 2018-08-11 09:02:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7884946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haipollai/pseuds/haipollai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's of course impossible for Nicky to actually be using magic out on the ice. It's all warded and every surface treated with every material known to block magic. Even Alex can't manage to get around all the blocks, no matter how everyone seems convinced he somehow cheats. </p>
<p>So he knows it's not magic as Nicky somehow finds him with a perfect pass through a crowd. </p>
<p>He knows that but it still doesn't seem possible.</p>
            </blockquote>





	cascades

Alex fell in love with Nicky’s smile first. Before he knows much else about him, he sees him smile and he wants to see it again. 

-

He's used to the teasing generally, he doesn't give a shit what the media say. Just because none of them bothered to do anything to develop their magic past whatever basic classes they have to do in school to make sure they don't hurt someone, it's not Alex’s problem. Magic is like any talent, everyone has something, but it's different for everyone and is useless unless you make it work. 

Alex is good at everything. 

But something about watching Nicky makes him hold his breath. He seems to float out on the ice, smoothly moving on his skates. It took Alex a week to be convinced he would never play with a better center. 

It's of course impossible for Nicky to actually be using magic out on the ice. It's all warded and every surface treated with every material known to block magic. Even Alex can't manage to get around all the blocks, no matter how everyone seems convinced he somehow cheats. 

So he knows it's not magic as Nicky somehow finds him with a perfect pass through a crowd. 

He knows that but it still doesn't seem possible. 

Off the ice, Alex forces himself into Nicky’s space, dragging him out, cooking for him, carpooling. It feels like something special, getting Nicky to open up for him. He wants to ask about how Nicky skates, how he manages to fly. 

When he does get the question out, they're on the road and watching bad TV. 

Nicky looks at him, blue eyes too big for his face and then he laughs, though it comes a second too late. “I can't fly. That's stupid,” he teases. 

Alex makes a face and kicks at him. Nicky grabs his ankle and holds onto it until the next commercial break when he seems to forget and Alex reluctantly pulls his leg back. The question has been forgotten, didn't really matter anyway. If Nicky knew how to fly, he would have told Alex already. He’s thinking more now of the warmth of Nicky’s hand, the rough calluses built up over the years so similar to Alex’s own.

He ends up falling asleep until Greenie comes back to the room and kicks Alex out. Nicky rolls his eyes and smiles when Alex pouts at him. He was comfortable right where he was but no one seems to have any sympathy for him. 

Alex caves into Nicky’s smile though and heads back to his room. 

-

Alex finds out in Russia. They’re out with the team, Nicky at his side like usual though some of the Swedes already on the team have sort of adopted him to help him adjust. Alex can’t deny the flare of possessiveness though and right now wants to be the one Nicky relies on. Maybe he’s clinging slightly to Nicky while they’re all out. Nicky doesn’t seem to mind.

No one is drinking that much, they have to be on a plane the next day but everyone’s had a few. The conversation has descended to some of the guys trying to one up each other with small tricks, dancing lights and flames mostly. Occasionally trying to set a shot of vodka on fire. Alex stays out of it, partly because the rest of the guys insist it wouldn’t be fair. He doesn’t argue it much, preferring to give Nicky dramatic commentary. Trying to make Nicky laugh.

Eventually someone asks Nicky to give it a shot. Alex nudges him, knowing Nicky can’t resist a good challenge, no matter how much more mature he pretends to be. Except instead Nicky gets stiff and shakes his head. Alex doesn’t need to translate that.

The guys let it drop and after a little bit Nicky starts to relax again but it’s not the same. Like he’s just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Alex holds his tongue until they’re back at his place, watching Nicky go about checking his duffel for their away game. Alex tries to think back over all the years he’s known Nicky, years of living in each other’s space, looking for anything he might have missed or Nicky hid from him.

“Does Greenie know?” Right away he knows it’s the wrong thing to say. From the way Nicky slowly stops what he’s doing and turns to face him, Alex knows he’s not getting off easy either.

“Know what?” Nicky asks softly.

It could be his out, avoid this conversation entirely and maybe save them both from whatever the fallout might be. Instead he gestures to indicate Nicky. Alex realizes he’s upset and wants to drive this forward no matter what. “No magic.”

“Does it matter?”

“ _I_ didn’t know.” He clenches his fists tightly. Nicky never thought to tell him, either didn’t think it important enough or didn’t trust Alex to know. He smiles tightly down at his hands. “Mama, she keep saying he must have bewitched you, you keep talking about his smile.”

“Alex-”

“But you never even tell me no magic.” He shrugs. He knew how stupid it was to ever have hope to be anything with Nicky, but it seemed like maybe after all these years they were drifting to something like that. And now Nicky doesn’t even trust him to know this.

Not everyone has magic. It’s not common though, almost everyone can make a small flame from the time they’re five.

“Greenie knows because I had to ask him to get me something,” Nicky says. “Early on.”

“Anyone else?”

Nicky’s eyes narrow, Alex is pushing too far but he can’t stop. “It’s not your business who knows _my_ secrets,” Nicky snaps.

“So why not tell me?” He retorts, looking at him straight on. Alex hopes Nicky knows how upset he is about this.

Nicky’s eyes drop away. “I need to finish packing.”

Alex considers pressing it but despite popular belief, he has some restraint. He turns on his heel and stalks back to his own room.

-

Alex realized young that he was stronger than kids his age. He used to make sparks dance around him when he played with the other kids in the neighborhood so they couldn’t look right at him and they’d lose track of the puck. Sergei always told him to be careful, don’t rely on it, you can’t use it in the big game and then he’d smile and create a snowball to smush in Alex’s hair.

After Sergei died, Alex figured out how to make himself go faster, faster and faster until his feet bled from the strain on his body. He stopped doing any tricks after that and did nothing but focus on playing better and better until he didn’t need magic to be the best. He wasn’t any good at praying but he always prayed that Sergei was watching, that he would be proud.

When he was fifteen, there was a boy with dark hair and soft lips whose skin felt flat. It made Alex want to touch him harder, try to embed some of the vibrancy he felt in his own fingers into the boy. He asked his mother about it and she just sighed and said that poor boy.

That was the first person without magic Alex ever knowingly met. In Russia, no one talked about people without magic. Everyone knew it just wasn’t normal, they weren’t whole.

Alex kept seeing the boy until he went started playing with Dynamo Moscow and had no more time.

-

Nicky is done in the kitchen when Alex comes downstairs the next morning. They don’t say anything about last night. When they get to the rink, if any of the guys figured it out, they don’t say anything either.

In Russia, no one talks about people without magic.

-

He thinks about Nicky’s skin. He’s always touched Nicky a lot and never felt the same feeling of nothingness. He makes a point of showing Nicky it doesn’t matter after that night, still treating him the same, still touching. He tries to surreptitiously touch even more, pressing his fingers into Nicky’s arm when he has a hand over his shoulder, grabbing his wrist to pull him along, touching the back of his neck when he wants to whisper something to him.

He keeps waiting for the moment where he feels that same flatness but it’s never there. There’s always a faint hum, like Nicky has too much life in him, as if the world is trying to make up for depriving him of magic.

He wishes he knew how to ask. He wants Nicky to know how much Alex still loves him but he doesn't know how to say that either. Doesn’t know if Nicky wants him back or if whatever’s between them has been broken with this secret. It's easier to find strangers, let their fingers burn his skin. With the people who come and go, he doesn't need to figure out how to say the right things.

Just because he stopped using his tricks while out on the ice, doesn't mean he stopped doing them completely. He knows how to seduce people and he knows how to make sure they leave happy afterwards.

Despite how good it feels, it's stupid and he knows it. Knows it everytime he drinks too much and throws someone a look. It’s a stupid game and he doesn’t know what he’s playing for. At first there was a sharp sense of vindication when he saw Nicky leave whatever club they were at, his Russian not good enough to bother on his own. Nicky _needs_ him even if he refuses to face that and this is what he gets when he doesn’t return Alex’s trust.

It's petty and mean and Alex hates himself for it but doesn't know how to talk about any of this. 

He doesn't notice when Nicky starts staying closer and closer to his side instead of leaving the second Alex’s eyes start to stray until it's been weeks and he's taken no one home. Alex just blinks and he realizes how close Nicky is leaning into him, his hair fallen into his face, cheeks flushed from the heat of the bar or alcohol. Hesitantly, not sure what Nicky’s going to do, he brushes a few strands back behind his ear, letting his fingers linger on Nicky’s jaw. 

Nicky’s gaze softens and he’s fighting back a smile. Alex shoves back the warmth that curls in his chest before he does something stupid with it. He reminds himself that Nicky never planned to tell him his most important secret. It doesn’t really hold the same weight anymore though.

“You drunk?” He asks. Nicky hasn’t looked at him so softly in what feels like forever. Before the lock out maybe.

Alex wants to take him home, wants to touch his skin, wants to know if he can feel magic, if Nicky is so close to him he can take some of Alex’s and not be without anymore. Maybe he can make Nicky feel how happy Alex is next to him no matter what.

“Little,” Nicky grins like he’s up to something. “Don’t want you to go.”

“Where would I go?”

“Away. To someone with magic.” He screws up his nose as he says magic. “I’m not boring you know.”

Alex scoffs. “Of course I know.”

Nicky looks at him as if trying to judge how truthful Alex is being, but seems to have some difficulty with keeping his eyes focused. Finally he just sighs and drops his head onto Alex’s shoulder. 

“Didn’t want you to not like me anymore.”

Alex blinks, thrown off guard that Nicky thought anything would make Alex not like him anymore. “Stupid.” They don’t stay at the club for much longer after that. Nicky’s fading and Alex doesn’t mind having quiet nights.

After that Alex stops looking at everyone else entirely. He’s just figuring out how to talk about this with a sober Nicky when the lockout ends and they’re swept back to the Capitals and game after game. Asking Nicky about something so personal when they’re struggling to just get through each day doesn’t seem fair. So they just don’t talk about it even as Nicky seems to move more into his space, or maybe it’s the other way around.

He thinks it might be what helps get him through the schedule after too many back to back games in a row, knowing he can reach out and Nicky’s skin with it’s strange prickle of magic that he knows now can’t be Nicky’s will be in reach. He thinks of asking his mother if she knows if there are ways for people without magic to hide but it seems wrong, like a betrayal.

Nicky didn’t want to tell him his secret to begin with so Alex won’t go around telling other people.

Until things slow down, he just touches, as hard and as tight as he can get away with. Sometimes Nicky notices and shoots him unreadable looks which Alex ignores. The more he touches the more he’s convinced something isn’t right, he’s still being lied to and if he can just reach deep enough he’ll find the truth.

It would be healthier to just ask.

He doesn’t even think to try.

-

They're in the back of the bus, most of the team exhausted and asleep. Alex has his guard down, taking advantage of the quiet to check on his team. 

Next to him, Nicky’s fallen asleep with his head on Alex’s shoulder but something must disturb him cause he starts to shift and wake. 

“Sasha?” he mumbles. His necklace has ended up awkwardly tangled around his neck so Alex reaches down to fix it for him. His fingers brush the cross, giving him a sharp shock. He blinks down at it and Nicky but Nicky didn’t seem to notice, his eyes closed again.

-

They’re drunk. Out of desperation, or loss or some even worse combination of both. Alex is stretched out on his couch staring up at the ceiling and there’s nothing to look forward to. Their season is over. One more year with nothing to show for it. 

“Nicky,” he rolls over onto his side to look at him, curled up in one of Alex’s armchairs. He looks small like that, as if the cushions are just slowly eating him until nothing of him is left but messy blond hair. Alex shoves away the thought before he accidentally enchants the couch. Nicky blinks wearily at Alex, no idea of anything going on in Alex’s head and hums so Alex knows he’s listening. “You gonna stay?” He asks.

“Course.” He frowns at Alex and pushes shakily up to stumble over to the couch Alex is on. “Contract not up.”

“No. Tonight. Here.”

Nicky eyes him as if he might actually go try to find his phone to call a cab. “You want me to go?” 

“No, don’t want you alone and sad.” He tries to say it like it should be obvious. Everyone knows Nicky thinks too much. Alex knows it’s even worse at the end of a bad season. If he lets Nicky disappear now, he’ll be gone to Sweden before Alex knows it.

“Ok. I’ll let you take care of me.” Somehow he manages to balance well enough on one foot to push at Alex’s stomach with the other until he slides far enough over on the couch that Nicky can squeeze in next to him. It’s really not comfortable but Alex wraps his arms around him and pulls him close anyway. His back is against Alex's chest, his hair tickling his nose. 

Nicky mumbles in Swedish, and even drunk, Alex recognizes the words for ‘I’m sorry’. He frowns and pinches Nicky’s side. “Why?”

“Let you down.” 

“No. Never ever can.” He holds him tighter, realizing after a second he’s trying to push at Nicky, trying to make him feel better with magic which he knows is very rude but he doesn’t even know if Nicky can feel it.

“Don't fucking,” he cuts himself off with a harsh sigh. “Did too,” he finishes quietly. 

Alex is too tired to argue and maybe he does blame Nicky a little bit, even though he knows it's petty. The feeling will go away after a few days or a good night's sleep. Nicky will always be his favorite center, no matter what. 

-

He wakes up slowly, his head feeling like he stuffed it with cotton before he beat it with a hammer a few times. There's something wrong but he can't tell what it is. He's still on his couch, nothing feels like it's bleeding or hurt except his head, and Nicky is still right there. He curls his fingers which ended up under Nicky’s shirt during the night. Despite feeling like shit, he could easily get used to waking up like this.

And it clicks. His breath catches in his throat as he flexes his fingers again to make sure he didn’t imagine it.

Nicky’s skin is flat, dull. Somehow despite that he feels even more like he should, like whatever was making his skin buzz with magic was an oil slick and now he's found fresh water. 

Nicky is still asleep so Alex nuzzles closer. He wants to know what Nicky is like, like this. He’s not sure if there will ever be another chance. Without the buzz, Alex starts noticing little things, the soft whistle of his breathing, the way his heartbeat seems so steady and loud through his skin. 

He risks letting his lips touch the curve of his shoulder, nothing more than a breath. The hint of promise has lingered between them since Moscow, anticipation of what their relationship will become. They just had to wait until they were both ready or maybe Alex needed Nicky to catch up to him.

Alex wants to throw all of his hesitations out of the window and dig his fingers into Nicky’s skin, make his skin flare with Alex's own magic. He feels the pressure on his fingertips, the need to do something with all the power he has

Nicky stirs against him but he doesn't move. “Humming is not a bad way to wake up,” he mumbles, voice thick with sleep.

“Not humming, not making any noise at all.” 

“Yes...” he trails off and Alex can’t see his face but he gets the feeling he’s taking in the situation, his brow furrowing. “Don’t fuck with me, Ovechkin.”

 

“Not humming! Promise!” He gets an idea and carefully cups Nicky’s cheek, knowing his skin is still buzzing with his magic. “Is that what you feel?”

Nicky’s eyes get wide. “Oh,” he breathes. “Is that-” 

He rubs his thumb over Nicky’s cheek. “That my magic, you feel my magic before.” 

Nicky’s cheeks turn red and he quickly shrugs. “Course I-” He twists away from Alex and tries to get up but Alex grabs him tighter. “I must have.”

“Well?” Alex prompts when Nicky falls quiet.

“Well what?” Nicky says back.

“Nicky,” he whines. “Nicky what wrong?” He presses his nose against Nicky’s shoulder. He hasn’t been pushed away yet even though he’s fairly sure this is more touching than even they do. Maybe Nicky needs this too, he needs someone to touch him as he is. 

“Fine. Head hurts.”

It's not entirely the truth, Alex gets that but it's not what's really wrong. He holds Nicky tighter and gently nudges at him, drawing on his own good feelings to wrap them around Nicky as well, trying to reassure him. 

“Are you… what are you doing?” He asks quietly, almost nervously. 

“Make you feel better. It working?” Nicky hums and shrugs again. Alex takes it as a yes so keeps going. If anyone asks, he’ll blame his recklessness on the hangover, on having a warm body pressed so close. Everyone knows he’s impulsive. He presses his lips to Nicky’s shoulder again and when there’s no reaction, he kisses the crook between his neck and shoulder.

“Alex,” Nicky mumbles. Nicky turns around just enough to look at him. His eyes are barely open but Alex gets the feeling he’s being closely scrutinized so he just rests and lets Nicky look. For a long moment, neither move until Alex takes one more risk to lean forward and touch his lips to Nicky’s. There’s no hum, nothing like any other kisses, just the soft gust of Nicky’s breath. 

Alex loves it.

Nicky ducks his head but he doesn’t move away. “Is this because of…” Alex can feel his hands clench into fists where they’re trapped between their bodies.

“You really think?”

“No. But I have to ask.”

Alex holds him tighter, close enough he thinks he can hear Nicky’s heart beating. He closes his eyes and spreads his hands over Nicky’s back, focusing on the way his skin feels, the rise and fall of his lungs as he breathes. He still feels that need to dig his fingers in, but it’s not like Nicky’s empty or missing anything. Alex just wants him to know he’s not scared. “Am right here.”

-

“Häxa? Like charodeyka?”

Nicky pauses, looking like he’s trying to translate the word mentally before he just shrugs. The word itself doesn’t matter.

He’s heard of them, even met a few. In Russia most end up working for the government and have become more a myth than reality. People strong enough to permanently imbue something with power. If Alex wanted he could make his stick bend like a noodle, or make it hum at just the right frequencies pucks would be drawn to it.

He can’t make it last though. 

Crafters, enchanters, witches, they could make it last. The NHL has a few on staff to check that equipment hasn’t been permanently tampered with. Players don’t see them or have anything to do with them, everything around them is secret so they can’t be bought off.

They sit facing each other on the couch, Nicky’s legs folded neatly underneath himself while Alex is stretched out but close enough his leg rests across Nicky’s thigh. The morning feels like ages ago. He looks down at the necklace in his hands. A plain cross on a silver chain that he’s seen countless times hanging around Nicky’s neck. He recognizes the hum from it now, it’s the one usually vibrating over Nicky’s skin. The one that hides him.

“You don’t need it,” Alex says, running his thumb over the cross. There are some stones embedded in it, rough gems maybe. Learning about gems was never his strong suit, he was strong enough he didn’t need to bother with any of it. Something about vibrations meant they could be magicked easily. His mother had sniffed her nose whenever she had to deal with players she coached wearing them. 

Nicky watches him guardedly. “You know better.”

He bites his lip. He does, but he wants Nicky to be himself. He wants to reach out and know he’s touching Nicky. “You perfect as is,” he still insists, looking up at him.

Nicky isn’t looking back, his eyes are fixed on the cross. “My aunt made it for me. When I was a few months old. My parents were scared and asked her to do it.” 

“Keep it secret your whole life?” He sets the cross aside, purposefully out of reach of Nicky and his fingers trying to twist up in each other. Alex reaches out for him with his palms up. “Is ok. I keep you safe too,” he says when Nicky doesn’t move. It gets a small smile and carefully Nicky reaches out with one hand, resting it palm down on top of Alex’s.

“You don’t mind?”

He hates how hesitant Nicky sounds, none of his normal quiet assurance. It’s all tied up with the charm he’s been wearing his whole life, maybe some of his own fears and worries have mixed up with the magic in the wood as well, kept it going. Alex covers Nicky’s hand with both of his and squeezes firmly. He can feel the steady thud of his pulse and the slight twitch of his fingers as he decides if he should hold Alex’s hand back or not. No magic, no hum.

Like this, he realizes that it’s not like the boy from so many years ago. His skin is flat but it’s more than that. It almost feels like touching fine sandpaper, like Nicky’s body wants to absorb the magic inside of Alex. To reach inside and touch as much as Alex wants to do with him. Maybe he’s projecting, or maybe they’re perfect for each other. All that excess power Alex has lived with right under his skin is just supposed to be Nicky’s.

“You don’t need magic,” he murmurs, taking one more quick glance up at Nicky before ducking his head to press a kiss to his knuckles. “Have me.”

Nicky draws in a shaky breath. “No one likes the feel of my skin.”

Alex wants to ask about his parents or his brother but he bites the question back. “I like.” He turns Nicky’s hand over to touch his lips to the inside of his wrist. It’s a strange juxtaposition, the smoothness of Nicky’s skin right there mixed with that odd sandpaper quality. “You special.”

“You’re an idiot,” but he says it fondly and when Alex looks up, he’s looking back with a mix of amusement and worry and what might be a lot of like.

He grins and tugs Nicky hard, catching him off guard so he has to fall into Alex or fall gracelessly to the floor. For a second he thinks Nicky might drop just to be difficult but then he has an armful of Nicky, his legs straddling Alex’s, his face a few inches away. “Feel like…” He licks his lips, trying to find the right words. “Feel like we can shape each other. No magic but not powerless, yes?”

Nicky takes his time, thinking over Alex’s words so he waits. Slowly one of Nicky’s hands lifts up and he gently traces the line of Alex’s nose down to his lips. “I think. You’re full of crap.” He presses on Alex’s lower lip with his thumb until he opens and flicks his tongue over the pad. “But you’re pretty so I guess I’ll keep you.”

He grins around Nicky’s thumb.

-

“Maybe fate,” he whispers into the dark, finally voicing his thoughts out loud, knowing Nicky is still awake sprawled partly on top of him. It’s been twisting around in his head all summer, since he went back to Russia and Nicky to Sweden. They spoke almost everyday but it wasn’t the same as when they were finally both back in Washington. 

“What?”

“You have too little, I have too much. Balance. Fate.” He presses his hand to Nicky’s back, feeling the rise and fall of his lungs. He has to learn how to touch Nicky, it’s not like past lovers where feelings could be projected and shared. He has to slow down, listen to Nicky’s body itself. He has to trust he really can read Nicky as well as he thinks.

“Not exactly rare either way,” he mumbles, burying his face against Alex’s neck. “Since when did you believe in fate anyway?”

He stares up at the ceiling, or what he can make out of it and feels the confession on the tip of his tongue. He always has. Since he was a boy and couldn’t understand why even with all the power he had, that his mama had, his brother died anyway. He needed a reason and it was all he had. Some things are supposed to happen, that has to be it. 

He doesn’t know how to say any of that in English though, not how it needs to be said. He suddenly wishes Nicky had some magic, at least a little so Alex could really truly share with him. Nicky can feel when he’s doing something, and see it when there are visible results, but he doesn’t really understand. 

Alex accepted a long time ago that no one will ever really understand him, because of language or skill or anything. Somehow this means more. He rolls around, wrapping himself tightly around Nicky, burying his face against his neck. He can feel Nicky’s surprised gasp followed by a low grumble but Nicky wraps his arms around him tight.

“We’ve barely dated,” Nicky says softly, each gust of air ruffling Alex’s hair. “You really sure you want to call this fate?”

He nuzzles against Nicky’s neck, catching a sensitive spot and making him shiver. “We always date.”

“I’m not sure it works like that.”

“Sure it does.” He smiles and spreads his hand over Nicky’s bare back. He wonders if it’s possible to get addicted to the feel of someone’s skin. “Lots of dating. You just don’t see. Too busy hiding.”

Alex can feel his sigh and just in case Nicky tries to pull away, he grips tighter. “Sasha,” he laughs, his fingers digging into Alex’s shoulder. “Ok, ok I caught up, let me breathe.”

He scrapes his teeth over Nicky’s neck, drawing another shiver from him. “Dunno. Maybe convince me.”

It makes Nicky laugh and he digs his fingers into a ticklish spot so he can wriggle out of Alex’s arms. He sits up on his knees, looking down at him with a bemused smile. “Show me a trick.” 

Alex scoffs and rests a hand on Nicky’s thigh. “I don’t do tricks.”

“Yea right.” Even in the dark, he can see Nicky roll his eyes. “You do tricks.”

He pauses, considering what Nicky was asking and what he could do there in the dark. He shifts around so he’s leaning back against the pillows and it just takes a thought to pull Nicky down next to him. When he’s close enough to reach, Alex arranges Nicky so he’s lying with his back pressed to Alex’s chest and he can reach around them both to entangle the fingers of their hands together. Nicky’s stayed quiet through it, letting Alex manipulate him and arrange them.

“Ok,” he murmurs against Nicky’s ear. “Just...stay open, yes?”

He doesn’t need to see Nicky’s face to know he’s frowning but ignores it. He opens Nicky’s hands, palms up and focuses, It’s hard to work magic through another person but Nicky seems somehow unconsciously to be perfect, Alex’s magic flowing into his fingers and curling into his palms in the shapes of bright flowers.

Shifting light into something tangible isn't hard, it's one of the first things children learn but Nicky gasps as if he's never seen it before. It makes Alex grin, catching his joy.

“I can feel it,” Nicky whispers. “Under my skin.”

“It ok?”

He bites his lip and gives a small nod. “Kind of tickles.”

“Like this, yes?” Alex scratches lightly at Nicky’s side, not too hard but knowing he’s sensitive right there and as if on cue, Nicky twists away. The flower disappears but it doesn’t matter. Alex catches Nicky’s hands as he falls onto his back, pinning him there. He’s trying to frown but Alex knows him too well, even in the dark he can see the lines of laughter around Nicky’s eyes.

-

Nicky takes to leaning in close at random times. _Show me_ , he whispers, eyes dancing. Sometimes he gestures at something in particular, sometimes he leaves the request hanging there between them letting Alex come up with a trick just for him. It becomes a game, usually ending with them pressed against each other, touching, always touching.

-

The summer passes too fast for Alex. He loves hockey, wants to be out there on the ice, but there’s something cliche and perfect about lying out on his lawn with his dogs and hearing Nicky come out to join him. 

Nicky’s always been comfortable just letting himself into Alex’s place and Alex made sure his various levels of security and wards recognized him and let him in. 

The difference is when Nicky makes his way out to Alex’s backyard, he’s pulling off the charm around his neck as well. As if he’s home and safe here. Alex finds that he loves that more than anything, someone looking at him and thinking of safety and comfort. Nicky still hovers out of reach, casting nervous glances at the dogs.

“Is ok, they love you,” Alex says, gently pushing Roy’s nose out from under his chin.

Nicky blushes and shrugs. “I know.”

He gets to his feet and makes his way to Nicky. “Is ok,” he grins. “I look after you.”

Nicky rolls his eyes and punches his shoulder. “I came over to see my boyfriend, not be teased.”

Something warm curls in Alex’s chest and he pulls Nicky in closer. His body aches with _want_ but he doesn’t know what for. He wants to hold Nicky to him, wants to bring him to bed, wants to find a way to wrap him in all that extra magic buzzing under his skin so the whole damn world knows he’s Alex’s. Nicky loops his arms loosely around Alex’s waist, just letting Alex cling to him. “Boyfriend?” he finally asks, wanting to sound teasing and light but it comes out soft and needy.

Nicky kisses his cheek and when Alex lifts his head, brushes his lips against his. “Yes. Of course.” He smiles, his eyes lighting up with it. His skin is warm from the sun and for once Alex barely notices.

“Good.” His voice catches and he licks his lips before trying again. Nicky rolls his eyes and just kisses him again, harder this time. Alex puts his focus on kissing back, noticing all the little details he’s never noticed in kissing another person. The dryness of Nicky’s lips, quickly giving way to the slick of saliva. It feels like nothing is hidden between them right now.

-

Alex likes to sit in the locker room while everyone else is there. He closes his eyes and just takes it in, the noise of the team and the magic filling the room like air. Arenas are always special, so much energy and emotion becomes locked into the building. The ice has wards around it to keep anyone from cheating so it’s all sort of dulled out there. But in here, it’s alive. Joy and pain and the intense camaraderie that comes from fighting for each other night after night.

On the bad days he likes to remember why he bothers and on the good days he wants to take it in and hold it close. He feels unstoppable, his skin crackling with possibilities.

He almost gasps out loud when there's a touch to his shoulder from skin with no life to it. 

Nicky smirks at him as he slips his necklace over his head. Alex sticks his tongue out at him. He doesn't like this at all now that he knows what Nicky actually feels like. 

“You should show me,” he says softly. “What this all feels like.” He doesn’t look or even gesture at the locker room but then he doesn’t have to. It’s all either of them care about right now.

Alex pushes to his feet so he can lean in close, leaning into the solid line of Nicky’s body so he can dip his voice without anyone overhearing him. “Home. Best to show in bed.” 

-

Nicky's cheeks are flushed, the redness spreading down to his chest. Alex kneels between his thighs, taking in all of Nicky sprawled gracelessly in bed. 

“First rule of magic,” he says, trying to sound like some of his old teachers but it's hard with Nicky sucking on his lower lip and Alex's own erection wanting attention between his thighs. “Control,” he barrels on. 

Nicky’s eyes narrow slightly. Alex was ready for this, or thought he was. He can't imagine what it must be like to have everyone around you have an edge you can't compete with. 

“Trust me?” He rests forward on his hands to look straight in Nicky’s eyes without distraction. 

It takes a second but Nicky nods, letting Alex take his wrists and tie them carefully with a scarf to the headboard. 

“Control both ways, yes?” He drags his lips over the inside of Nicky’s elbow to make him gasp. “Magic like wind, everywhere, can't contain. Changed by others. Locker room hold everything.” He bites at the curve of his shoulder. “Pain and hurt and win and team. Like smells that don't go away.”

Nicky laughs and knees at him gently. “So magic is like locker room funk?”

He grins against Nicky’s neck. “Yes.” He licks a line up Nicky’s neck, finishing off with a sharp nip to his earlobe, drawing a sharp breath for Nicky. 

“Alex,” he breaths out, his hips angling up. 

“Not done.” He smirks and presses his palm to Nicky’s stomach to hold him down. He takes some pity on him and continues his ministrations downward. “We sort of control magic but other way too, yes?” He presses the flat of his tongue to one of Nicky’s nipples. He thinks of the feeling from the locker room, the way the entire room had seemed to vibrate, had slid under his skin to fill him with sparks. He takes that same feeling and _pushes_.

He had no idea if this will work with someone like Nicky but Nicky arches off the bed and moans. Alex sits back, transfixed. For a few moments Nicky’s body seems to spark, the magic that Alex pushed at him having nowhere to go. His eyes are squeezed shut, lips red and slick and Alex wants desperately to kiss him or give him his cock but even more he wants to hear. 

He wraps his hand around Nicky and strokes, dragging a rough groan from him. 

“Fuck, fuck Sasha.” He rocks his hips up into Alex's hand. “Is it always like that?” When he manages to open his eyes his pupils are blown wide with lust. 

“No. But when good, the best.” He tightens his grip, keeping his hand moving, seeing it in Nicky’s face as it all builds and builds.

“Alex,” he gasps, his voice ragged. “ _Sasha_.” His hips rock up urgently. Alex wants to watch him fall apart, but instead he ducks his head and takes just the tip into his mouth. It's all Nicky needs, he fists a hand in Alex's hair, gripping painfully tight as he comes. 

Alex let's himself be pulled up for a kiss, groaning as Nicky thrusts his tongue into his mouth. 

-

Alex hates feeling useless. He hates being reminded that all he has are tricks. Nothing else. Nothing that could fix things like Nicky’s hip. He knows it's bothering him more than he let's on. 

That’s not what his magic can do though. 

Carefully, he curls up around Nicky in bed, resting his hand on the offending joint.

“Doctors think it's best I get surgery,” Nicky mumbles. 

“What you think?”

Nicky is quiet for a long moment but Alex knows he hasn't drifted off to sleep. He learned a long time ago how to read Nicky’s emotions entirely from body language. He's angry. Alex just doesn't know with who. 

“Why can't you heal it?” Nicky whispers. 

Alex has to keep himself from holding too tight. He focuses on each breath, crossing his eyes to watch Nicky’s hair ruffle at the base of his neck each time he breathes out. “Nicky,” he finally sighs. 

“Why not?” Nicky demands, louder but still barely at a normal speaking volume. It feels worse than being yelled at. 

“Not how it works.”

“Answer my fucking question, Ovechkin.” He twists around and away so they're facing each other. Nicky has red splotches high on his cheeks. Alex can easily imagine how if he had magic, light would be curling red and angry around him. 

“Can't wave hand, make everything ok.” He moves closer, refusing to let Nicky cut him off right now. “Can't see inside your hip.”

“You- you do so fucking much.” The anger seems to be tempering off into exhaustion. Alex realizes he has no idea how long Nicky has been sitting alone with this, letting it all stew. Knowing Nicky, it could easily have been weeks or months. “It's not fucking fair.”

Alex gives up on giving Nicky space, if he doesn't like it, he can fight Alex off. He gathers him in close, arranging them so he's on his back with Nicky on top of him. “I want to. Want to so badly but will only make it worse. Trust me, please?”

Nicky nods silently. None of it feels like a resolution to anything Nicky’s feeling and this time Alex holds his magic back. It feels like that night only make things worse. 

Somehow though, the next day things get worse. 

Nicky lets Alex invite himself along for his next doctor's appointment. It's mostly just an overview of Nicky’s options. 

Except it's not because the doctor is clearly worried about something as he talks. Nicky stares down at his hands, Alex isn't sure if he's even noticed until he lifts his head at the end of the monologue. 

“What else?” His voice is calm, everything Alex saw in bed only a day before has all been tamped down. 

“We can't use our normal painkillers for something as intensive as this,” the doctor says bluntly. He spares a glance at Alex but then seems to decide it's ok to explain. “Using a charm for so long interfered how your body handles magic.”

“But-”

“What does that mean?” Nicky says over him, his voice tight to hold back what he's actually feeling. 

The doctor sighs. “Most people with your… condition, can't absorb or interact with magic at all. So when we use normal, magic based painkillers, there are a few predictable side effects and the magic is fully rejected once it fades. You do absorb it, but your body can't process it. Magic trapped like that can cause further damage.” The doctor glances at Alex, maybe noticing the way he's gone pale. Maybe he can guess the things Alex has done for Nicky, maybe he can see it. “Most tricks,” the doctor continues. “Are simple little things are eventually dealt with safely, usually be just fading away. But this isn't a simple little thing.”

Alex reaches over and squeezes Nicky’s knee. Nicky glances at him out of the corner of his eye but doesn’t really seem to be seeing anything. “Ok,” he finally says. “No choice I guess.”

Alex doesn’t like apologizing, but that night he does it again. He should be able to help Nicky get better. In the end, Nicky flies back to Sweden to have the surgery and Alex throws himself into his summer until he feels safe to come back and touch again. It feels stupid. He’s not usually scared of taking action but he can’t shake the thought that just touching Nicky could have hurt him.

Nicky’s already back in DC when Alex gets there, it’s the middle of the night and Nicky is asleep, taking up most of the bed. Alex crawls in, careful of his hip and fits in just like normal. Nicky makes a soft whine but doesn’t wake up, probably doped up with painkillers. It hadn’t sunk in fully until right then how much he’d come to rely on having Nicky close, within reach.   
It's strange, everyone feels like something. Their magic is unique around them like the color of hair or eyes. Without his charm, Nicky is nothing. His touch is nothing but warm flesh and Alex thinks he might be addicted to it. He presses a kiss to the nape of Nicky’s neck, nuzzling into his hair. 

-

Alex rocks from foot to foot, keeping himself contained but only just. Nicky is tapping his fingers on the countertop, taking it all in. “So we’re doing this?” He asks softly. 

“Ok?” Alex asks nervously. 

“I don’t need you to protect me,” Nicky says, though they’ve been over this. It’s not about that. It’s about something stupid but important, needing Nicky to be his if he’ll let Alex have this.

“I know.” He meets Nicky’s eyes, needing him to believe him. He understands and though Alex could and probably does need to sometimes, he understands Nicky isn’t a damsel to be swept off his feet. Even when Chimmer’s kid decides to braid his hair. 

“Ok.” He smiles, slow and warm. Alex feels something blossom warm in his chest.

“Nicky,” he breathes, grabbing his wrist to pull him in close and nuzzles against his neck, just wanting to breathe him in. “You’re a liar.”

“What?” He punches Alex’s shoulder. “Don’t call the guy willing to put up with you for the rest of your life a liar.”

“Say you have no magic,” he huffs, scraping his teeth over Nicky’s collarbone in revenge. “Liar. Must have magic. Make me feel so good always just with smile.”

Nicky whines and drops his head back. “That was too sappy.” But his fingers card through Alex's hair, scratching lightly at his scalp. “Älskling,” he murmurs.


End file.
